Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
