The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
