I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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