I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
