I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
