im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
