Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize