I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
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If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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