my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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