why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
