When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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