I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
