apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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