Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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