Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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