dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
