Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
