You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
