Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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