everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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