You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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