I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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