OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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