I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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