im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
