Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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