Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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