whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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