Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
