i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
