god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
