My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
