Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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