the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
