Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
