Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
