OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
