Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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