Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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