I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
