At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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