I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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