Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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