dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
