no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
