Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
