He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
