I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
