Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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