I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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