He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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