His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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