Kiss
Puke
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
