and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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