You really coming over, don't trick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
