now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My day in three words: secret purse cake
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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