Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this just has baby written all over it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
