So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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