so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Alive.
So much puke
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
