At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
