I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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