did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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