yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When are your genitals available?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
