You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
