I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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