if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He better not be in your backpack
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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