i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
